marriage is on my heart a lot lately, as well. partly because i've met someone who embodies so many qualities that i could ever think to want (and more) in that hypothetical someone, partly because i'm giving it back to the Lord, and partly because i'm learning more about His pursuit for my heart. the ever-cycling refrain in my heart and mind and journal is that His pursuit of me is perfect and perfecting. it's insane to me that He can use two imperfect humans in a relationship to point back to Himself and His perfect love for us.
the trouble here is learning that i have a tendency to presume what He is doing. no matter what new thing He introduces into my life, i say oh this makes sense, this is what He must be doing. and it's not true. it does me the disservice of removing the need to be dependent upon Him to lead my steps because i'm trying to outguess Him. so i'm trying to hold things loosely, leaning on Him more heavily. because He's so worth it, worth all that i could give up or pour out. so i say yes, yes to the refining fire, yes to the layers being peeled away. i sort of imagine it like disney's fantasia with little spirit led brooms going about and sweeping up the cobwebs in my heart. he is worth making room for in my heart.
my prayer for that hypothetical someone is this: Proverbs 20:6-7 "many a man proclaims his own loving-kindness and goodness, but a faithful man who can find? the righteous man walks in his integrity; blessed (happy, fortunate, enviable) are his children after him."
my hope is for a marriage that isn't necessarily the start of a new life, but just an extension of what the Lord is already doing in both of us. same book, new chapter. i hope that we would be able to face what life has for us with a sense of humor, strength and an unshakeable faith in our High Priest. i pray that we can bring children into the world that see God and His beauty in all things, that love freely and have a creative spirit. but really this is all conjecture. He has ordered my steps and there's freedom in that.
